You told me that I gave you the feeling that I have been to extremes. And now I am slowly coming back to life. You were a part stranger and a part acquaintance-but you shocked me. How could you know? Did I give you the vibes that I am concealing some deep dark secrets inside the sombre me? I smiled…If only you knew what I have been through, you can begin to understand me…if only you understood me you can begin to imagine what it was to be me….And then when you have formed some kind of an idea about me, come back….we will talk then because then you would be at a level to really really connect with me….
Because then you will realize to what still waters do I owe my calm to….to what storms do I owe the cuts on my soul….what were the winds that battered me…what were the flames that burned me….which mountains did I bang into to become so bull headed…which seas did I drown in to become so unafraid of dying…who were those who disenchanted me to make me so cynical…who were those who kicked me hard enough to wake me up from my death-like sleep….who were those-those few who melted me with their softness and then disappeared….forever leaving me thirsty for a nectar hard to find in today’s world….
You see darling, I was not born of all things sweet like honey and sugar…I haven’t led a cottony cocooned existence like you….I did not have the luxury of preserving my softness as long as I wanted….I had to pawn it for survival…I did not have the privilege of locking up my purity in a nice silver chest with a key…I had to bloody well soil it with every inch of grime in this world…And you would say now that I am not alone in my struggle…I did have the option to save myself as much as possible….
But sugar, what life would I have lived if I had not fought half of what I have….if I had not failed…If had not struggled and floundered…I had not bruised and drowned…If I had not gambled and lost….If I had not trusted and cheated of it….If I had not loved and hurt….Would you have noticed me if I had half the cuts I have on my soul….I am not coming back to life as you say…I have lived a hell of a life…I am just coming back with all my cuts and courage to what you people call civilization….I have stayed alone enough to learn what I wanted to…to become the man I am today…I am coming back to enjoy the company of those who have seen the other half of this world….the half made of all things sweet…like honey and sugar…like you sweetheart…to see if your sweetness can half as much match the sweetness of my soul’s struggle in solitude…
So bring on your innocence my love…and all things good about you…and I shall bring on my fractured trust and scathed purity….and then we will see if we both stand a chance together to create the other half of our lives….
(Inspired by an innocent question on a crowded road.)